To be Normal is to be Mediocre

June 6, 2017

To expand on Aspergers, I am probably a very high functioning one or just lucky enough to have the object of my desires to be something related to human relationships. The ones that stands out are those who specializes in something unnatural.

Perhaps one of the more damaging moment when I was young, is to have one of these young psychologist or psychiatrists tell me that I might have a disease known as Aspergers out right without me seeking her opinion. The resulting internal debate is one of the most depressing one I’ve had till that point in my life almost as similar in intensity to the day I learned the false idiocy which says our brain stops growing after our teenage years.

If you look at our society and those successful founders at the top who invented something, you’ll notice that most of them has some form of Aspergers and they found a way to hide it from normal people. The desire for perfection and an insufferable desire to complete an idea. These are the exact same characteristics necessary to succeed in something new.  From my point of view, this is a genetic mutation that allow us to transcend “Normality” and ascend to the next form of existence. However, our brain only has a limited amount of computational ability, so these specialized “gifts” often come at the expense of other normal functions.

If you were to imagine a smooth suave normal person that you’d look up to, I believe most everyone can agree that ballroom dancers are the most elegant bunch and can all agree that they are not one of these “brain damaged” retards. Yet if you think about how they achieved their elegance for a moment. Countless hours everyday of repeating the same routine OVER AND OVER. Isn’t that just like someone with Aspergers? Everything hardcore where you aim for the top requires some type of mental illness. The very definition of the top 1% says you are not normal.

The sooner we can change our mindset on this, the sooner we can start cultivating and grooming these gifted individuals to help advance our civilization. Think about it? What is normal? Living a normal life, never standing out, doing the same shit everyone else is doing. I hold a certain amount of disdain towards the normal people I see in everyday life. Always chatting on the phone about insignificant nonsense, always checking instagram (Snap chat or whatever is new nowadays). Never doing anything akin to improving themselves or thinking about the future.

Imagine a kid with a brilliant ability to invent new devices and having an authoritative figure telling the kid one day that he has a disability with the parents agreeing with the authority. This is probably the most devastating hit to the kid’s mind than anything you can throw at him.

There was something important with my little “gift” that I believe allowed me to be somewhat responsive in social settings. That is a moment when I come to peace with not “Completing” something or not doing something to the high standard I require. This desire to have things in an order in the way it is supposed to be in my desire is very strong and important part of Aspergers. At least according to me. It drives me and pushes me towards excellence, always trying to be better. It hurts a lot internally when I cannot make it the way I want it.

I believe, since I can only speak from my own experience, that others get stuck when this happens and cannot get out of it. I call it a dissonance loop. You must finish so your mind can move on to the next thing, but you cannot finish. Before you know it, the mind goes inside and the body start moving automatically towards the coping mechanism adapted since childhood. The way I go about overriding this, is by agreeing to myself that I am doing this for others, so it is not what I wanted so that the standard does not have to be “perfection”. I’ve also learned a lot about time management and what’s important to do first, so these logical reasonings can be used to override the “emotional” desire in order to push things forward in a project.

Well, I didn’t always know the internal workings of my own “gift” until recently. Going to an extreme Vipassana retreat to meditate really helped me go through my life’s moment and slowly sort out the ins and out of everything. I also uses anchoring techniques and a clap as the anchor as a quick way to release myself if I ever enter into a “Dissonance Loop” in public.

I think this is all that I needed to say on the subject. I will now get back to making sure that the walls of my new apartments are “perfectly prepped” before I put on the new coat of paint. This apartment will be for me and me only, so everything in it is about indulging that little “gifted” side of mine.

 

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Nesting

June 4, 2017

Probably the most mind boggling thing about Canada is that my win ratio when it comes to getting anything important without connections, be it an apartment or Job, is zero. Whereas the exact opposite is true whilst I am in Taiwan. The stark contrast tells me something is definitely different. Two possibilities exists: 1. the economy in Canada is shit or 2. I am the least desirable candidate on paper based on external appearances when it comes to selection of a likable candidate. I will be conducting more tests on this in the future to figure out the correct assumption in the future.

I try not to use my connections as much as possible, but at this point in my life, I am less tolerant on wasting time competing against deplorables. I had to start again because of the traveling I did, not because I messed up my life. So I called someone I know and viewed a great place. The deal took less than 1 day to complete and it showed me how powerful having connection is and that it’d be stupid to throw away all the connections I’ve built up in Vancouver over the years. Now I am painting my new place and slowly constructing the final layout in my mind.

It’s been a while since I’ve had my own place without a room mate. My own room, my own kitchen and not sharing anything with anyone. Now, I am even thinking of keeping the place even while I am traveling. I’ve always moved around before because keeping an apartment rented while traveling around is fiscally irresponsible. However, the me today is financially capable of doing this and my time has become more important than anything else. If you look at it from the time perspective, I lose about 2 months worth of productive time (not counting time spent looking for apartments) moving in and out of a place each year and also, living with others and tolerating their bullshit also shaves off a few minutes of time here and there. Add it all together and it is no longer worth it to attempt to find a place.

The more this idea takes hold, the more I am taking a long term approach to this new apartment. The work I am doing to it becomes more meticulous, more long term. The wall most be completely flat and smooth before the paint goes on, the floor must be wiped until the water in the bucket is no longer dirty. Every inch of the space cleaned with wash cloth, every crack sealed.

The orphan reflex

June 3, 2017

It occurred to me that more than anything else, that my character and choices are dictated by a life long lack of family rather than race.

I experienced a succinct moment of clarity after watching the movie “The Accountant”. It was a moment where I became self aware of my own Asperger syndrome. Like the robots in “Westworld” an important moment similar to when robots gained consciousness and became aware that they are synthetic.

For me, it was an interesting moment as I realized at the same time that Asperger is not genetic, but rather caused by the environment. Reason’s simple: The current me, the current tendency towards who I am, was not there before the age of 10, before I crossed the ocean and moved to Quebec.

First there was the shock of a different world where I became the odd one out. Extreme isolation lasting several years from not being able to fully express myself and of course, being disliked and made fun of due to my accent and general appearance of stupidity from lesser command of the language and slower response.

I believe that these circumstances allowed me to go really deep inward, creating the environment and uninterrupted string of time by myself to specialize certain part of my brain towards a utility of my desire. I believe the changed part is a creation of an emotional want. For me, I deeply desired something that will allow me to make sense of the behavior of others. Because I have a hard time understanding why my world is now so negative when my personality and wants, what drives me happy or sad, were still the same.

Well, I guess one of your psychologists can probably come up with a thesis for your new paper from this.

Then I wondered whether or not some of my personal life choices is due to this isolation, this “Aspergers Syndrome” that over educated people coined. The “disease” for me, is actually a type of advantage I have over others. Before I self diagnosed, it was always just an advantage I have. It needs its data to do its things and sometimes I go out of my way to feed it, sometimes I nod and pretend to fit in to society. Sometimes, when I don’t have to interact with people, I amuse myself by feeding my asperger’s needs.

It can be said that normal people without the disease are simply the same people with an asperger’s dead set on pursuing a normal life. So I know my asperger has a very particular want. Then, what is this paranoia that I am seeing myself going through? This preparedness for all possible outcomes, the secrecy, the fail safes.

Then I realized, it is because I have no family in Canada. It was due to a lack of a fail safe, a safety net. In fact, I’ve recently started a new mind journey while doing my meditations. I’d been comparing similar events between Taiwan and Canada, things like how co-workers treated me as Taiwan and as Canadian. I wanted to get to the root of what is normal behavior and what is racist. I am assuming that Taiwanese people treat me normally since I look and speak the same as they and Canadians treat me with racism since I am obviously different. It’s been quite a revealing journey and further detached me from the great lie that western society is trying to sell. That everyone is equal and there are no racism.

Vancouver real estate V

April 27, 2017

Two major events occurred today.

1. I’ve completed one of the major project I have going today and

2. Today marked the beginning of Canada’s Real Estate Collapse with Home Capital Group (HCG.to) falling 60% due to some shit that hit the fan.

For me, #1 is the most important thing as it relieved me of a major source of stress. For the rest of the world. #2 is more important. So let’s go into that a bit.

As those of you from Tesla already knew, my 8 ball and crystal balls have been deployed in two different projects so I’ve had no time to spare on Tesla. The shorter term 8 ball is deployed in Canada’s real estate while the longer term Crystal ball best suited for detecting sentiment and the beginning of a trend is deployed in yet another secret related to #1.

For me to come out and tell you that 8 ball’s job was on Canada’s Real Estate sector would mean that I’ve already positioned myself to benefit from the downfall. The almost collapse of Home capital group is testament to what my predictions are. I expect things to get a lot worse and that the government will have to somehow find $150 billion in order to plug the hole.

You see, while the Americans have been deleveraging and repairing from the housing market in 2008 all that we did as Canadians was leverage up and double down on housing. The full research and reasoning can make for a good 10 000 word essay, but who’s paying me to actually type it out? Yep, nobody. So it’ll just stay in my mind to benefit me.

By benefit, I don’t mean I am actively participating in the destruction of the housing market. I did not enter any major short or anything. Just one or two position so that it is marked on my statement that I called it. What I meant is that I’ve completely withdrawn from the Canadian market to wait it out and I will enter again once the destruction is done in order to help with the reconstruction effort.

I strongly recommend going through the detailed event log that I meticulously jogged down starting in 2007 to see the series of events that might happen in the coming years. Here is the link: http://www.alongside.me/2010/financial-collapse-through-my-eyes/

For those of you who will be impacted by this negatively. Remember, this too shall pass.

On Racism 2

April 22, 2017

Everyone’s been looking at it wrong because everyone is looking at it through their own perspective. What I thought of as racism in Vancouver, the kind that dismisses Asians as a joke permeating all of America, is actually fear.

Ze German

It takes a lot of work and luck to develop these type of connection with travelers. A connection that can surpass the racial line so that you can freely discuss issues knowing that there’d be no judgement from the other side. Time, patience and certain type of curiosity to how the world works. German guys are particularly interested in these things. The benefit for me, is getting answers on questions that people will not answer honestly if I was the one who asked the question.

Fear

It took me a few second to process this new fact as F recounted his run-ins with local Canadians. White-people-venting-their-frustration-to-their-visiting-European-cousins type of encounters he had. They didn’t outright say they fear Asians, it was F’s innate sense which made him conclude it as such. As a tourist to our country from Germany and more used to another kind of norm, this contrast was obvious to him. Fear of foreign invaders, I would expect the Germans to understand best what this fear feels like, but apparently, Vancouver fears Asians even more.

The fear, is that of Asians buying up all the land and taking over Vancouver. The fear of being replaced as the dominant and ruling class. The fear of being excluded, an outsider in their own land, because the Asians were not able to meld into the society nor speak English.

Language

Everyone who comments on an immigrant group who does not integrate almost invariable mention that they are not trying to learn the language. The reason why it is the way it is was so obvious to me that I never gave it a second thought. That is, until F said in a matter-of-fact manner that anyone can learn a new language at age 40 and not integrating is the immigrant’s fault.

I went “Excuse me?” Give me an example of anyone learning a new language and speaking it fluently past 40… 30 even. Then I realized that they are thinking of learning a new language based on their own experience between the Latin based languages; English, French, German, Spanish, Dutch etc. Whereas I was thinking in terms of Mandarin, French, Arabic, Russian where the roots are completely different and there are no basic common ground between them.

Herein lies the real meat of this particular debate. Most people of white races experiences learning a second language with another language similar to theirs whereas the Immigrants-who-are-not-integrating experiences learning a language that is completely different. When you think about it this way, anyone from these problematic self segregating cultures are doing so because there is no way for them to ever be completely fluent in the host country’s language. Between a friend circle where you can express yourself fully and a friend circle where you are limited to an IQ of 80 because of the limited ability to express yourself, everyone will pick the former circle of friendships. Leading eventually to self segregation.

If you want to experience this as a person of white race. You have to go to Singapore. The most prosperous country in Asia where a bunch of white people are trying to get into the financial industries and running into trouble. The frustration that they experienced at not being able to speak Mandarin is palpable. Still it misses a big part of the experience, Singaporeans will not resent you for not integrating as Asians are pretty mellow about other cultures minding their own business and being in their own cliques.

End

As the world continues its globalization, real world studies like these will become increasingly necessary in order to ease tensions. I realized that I am probably doing the work of a PHD research on race, because of my lifestyle. An academia researcher will most likely not be able to engage in physically being in different places to do research and stealth interview people the way I do. Yet these are the people our government rely on to make policies on the matter.

Racial differences can only be experienced and felt.

Simple Diary

April 21, 2017

There’s something succinctly beautiful about writing down my daily lives on paper. I’ve missed that. This began that way as the Internet and blogging started during my younger years. A simpler time and a simpler mind.

As I grow and gain more experiences, the range of topic I talk about expanded. Soon, it is less about my life and more about what’s happening around the world from my point of view. Then in recent years, as my life gets more interesting and secretive, I have been reducing my writing frequency. If I do write, I steer away from anything sensitive and politically incorrect or keep on topics that has nothing to do with offending people.

The blog also gained some weird clique. There’s the university professor who sends her students here for sleeping study. Travelers interested about Morocco (I do go to other countries you known). Investors still trying to find out what my Magic 8 ball will say next and a lot of you who lands on the first page, look around for old time sake to see if there’s anything new, then leave. I am sure there are others who uses this blog as a study of some topic or another.

Sort of surprised. Google analytics has gotten better at identifying that you guys are actually real human and not bots. It gave me consolation that I am not talking to myself all these time.

The world is changing, but more importantly, the demographic of majority voters is changing. The Millenials, the current majority, are quit easily offended by words. Political power means actual police enforcement power and translate directly to me keeping a few things to myself. Surprisingly, action is still ok.

So during my time away a couple of years ago when I began to not talk about certain things, I’ve joined and experienced a cult, traveled 1/5th of the world, lived on a remote island like Robinson Crusoe,  become a diver, met 10 000+ people from all over the world, meditated in India, fought a drug gang, swam in the Ganga River and hiked the Himalayans. I have also, finally trained enough to have six pack of stomach muscle show up clearly. (Can’t wait for summer to show off). These sounds interesting, but I am still hiding certain things that cannot be said. A traveler once asked me a question and I told her that the world is crueler than the movies depict.

I plan on eventually telling these stories to my readers, but I need some time to mentally prepare and also letting enough time pass by so that events and people are less recognizable. To finally say fuck all to political correctness and take on the consequences is not an easy decision. Also, to again bare my inner thoughts to everyone…

It’s because, I’ve reached a mental state where I am fine with showing you these things. I had some reservation before about people in real life, (work, home, friendship) reading these things and having an advantage over me. Since I am no longer in contact with any of my acquaintances and the few real friends I keep. Well, they’ve already heard all my adventures and inner thoughts.

So I am stuck in Canada for 9 months and there will probably be loads of time to type and write. I do miss writing on paper so yeah… Going to do something about it.

Wasted potential

August 7, 2016

Sometimes, I pass by these beggars on the street who looks absolutely stunning. As a guy, all I can do is feeling resignation towards these people. How can they waste so much potential and end up on the street.

A good looking face opens the door to many possibilities. It means that, as a man, these guys have wasted away countless opportunities that have opened up to them in the years that have passed. Opportunities that were thrown upon them instead of having to fight and struggle to get a foot in the door.

I always wondered how it happened. Was it a sense of pride that led them to reject these opportunities? Was it general incompetence from having life too easy for them as children?

I’ve never been able to get a yes in anything just by asking in my life. I am assuming that this is what high status and good looks gets people. So there’s always some element of maneuvering that I need to apply when I am eventually met with a no at first. Persuading people without using intimidation, anger or seduction is an art worth studying, but its general benefit in my life is very minimal. Persuasion and persistence only pays off when done early in life. When that 20% off an annual utility payment or 80% off an area rug when Eaton goes bankrupt can snowball into something big 30 years down the line.

But when you reach my age. The skills that nets you discounts are no longer worth it due to time constraints. The next phase of life requires skills that multiplies any spending by 100% or 200%.

“What are these skills?” is what is currently on my mind as I get ready to travel again.

Transformation

June 27, 2016

The only difference between the me today and the me from one year ago are muscles gained from one year of full on strength training. I still remember when I first started, the personal trainer at my gym looked huge and muscular. Now they just look the same size as me.

Waking up before the sun gets up and train for an hour before heading for work, five days a week. Money on food money on recovery from injuries, time spent to recover from diseases. It was truly a tale of blood and sweat. But the results are there. Results measured based on other people’s comments, the amount of sex I get and who I get it from.

For obvious reasons of the fact that our mind tend to deceive ourselves on the type of world and story we live in. I only believe certain things when people say it to my face. When you are good at something, people will tell others.

So it was no surprise to me that people started saying I am charismatic. When almost anywhere I go now, people initiate conversations with me. The girls I get to have sex with gets younger and hotter and the efforts I have to put in is less and less.

My guess is that the charisma comes from years of practice in my life spent without a good physique that women want. It took the sum experience from 3 years of wandering to be able to pull someone like Ylva, nowadays it doesn’t take as much effort.

It left a bad taste in my mouth because it doesn’t seem like anything else that I managed to achieve matters.

Winning

June 18, 2016

No change

I didn’t tell people in my real life what happened, I didn’t do anything outrageous nor did I buy anything flashy to show off. Life just carried on like before as I am too busy dealing with the wrap up of winning. So it is probably safe to say that anything anyone felt from me recently is due to some unconscious change in my behavior or my hormones are releasing something new. I try hard to stay the same, but judging from other people’s behaviors towards me, Something changed.

Women

It has only been two days since things finalized, but already, I am seeing a difference. When I ask a girl to dance for a song later. She actually held out and refused two guys while waiting for me. Whereas before, they would just go with whoever asked them NOW.

When women whom I’ve interacted with leave the venue that I am in, they make a point of coming by to where I am to say bye.

Girls initiating the hookup. In particular Germans. I’ve always liked Germans. For some reason, we just click. I’ve asked other Asians and this does not seem to be a widespread case. So it’s not like the case with Italians where for some reason I still haven’t figured out, they really like Asians. How people treat me in Europe felt very different while I was there visiting. The Germans are still very easy to get along with, but I thought this was an Geographic phenomena isolated to Europeans living in Europe. However, I still feel the same kind of treatment when I interact with Germans (1st and 2nd gen) in Canada. So this has something to do with their upbringing that transcend geography.

A lot more accidental boobs touching not initiated by me which, after interrogating many women post coitus, is actually not accidental.

The interesting observation from this is that only the younger (~25) and hotter women (7+) do this. The women below seem to have disappeared. Which is fine by me as I do not notice them anymore nor do they attempt to interact with me.

Men

Men doesn’t give me crap anymore. Nor makes jokes that uses me as the source of the joke. Part of it is the threat of violence from finally having muscles. The threat of violence has always been there before what’s new is the fact that men make a point of saying hi to me when passing me by. I remember thinking “Why are they bothering me?” When these started happening because I was so used to being ignored.

Me

I am pretty used to being ignored and have the time to myself to go really deep into any particular train of thought. The new reality for me is that it is getting harder to have these times as I get interrupted more often. I also used to make sure that I respond to everyone no matter how important or urgent their requests are. I will respond or help out even if it doesn’t benefit me. The new reality is that there are too many requests and some of these requests will take a lot of effort from me while not benefiting me in anyway. The result is that I only have enough time to field requests that directly benefits me and interests me.

Most of my success are from acts of selfishness where I focus the outcome solely on benefiting me. So it is strange when looking back that I used to expend so much effort doing things for others that doesn’t benefit me at all. I used to believe in good Karma that comes back and toiled away without thanks. This change comes from the realization that people are cunts. The majority will shit on you without a thought and everyone believe that what they are doing is good. Even the bad guys. Yes, I’ve reached peak cynicism and based on history, I reach my greatest achievements during peak cynicism due to my unwavering desire to hurt anyone who opposes me.

 

The drug gang prelude

June 11, 2016

I had just came back from my 4 years of wandering with the final part focused on meditation to increase my understanding of my own spirit. The reason why I came back has to do with a tenant who’ve been having parties weekly that always ends with the police getting called on them. This and several incidents of property damages.

Being a landlord at this time in Canada is a thankless job. You are hated by everyone and the rent doesn’t covers all the expenses. That with tenant friendly laws, I’d steer everyone away from starting down this road. One mistake in filling out a form and you are unable to get any compensations for damages.

Did I mention I just came back from a spiritual journey? Yes, I was full of hope for humanity and decided to do everything as if all parties intend to do good. So when the mother of the millenial I rented the unit to stepped forward to do the negotiation, I agreed to drop the charges for repairs and just have them move out. Little did I know that the little girl would renege on the agreement and go for the nuclear option.

So between the two months when I served them and them moving out. There were more parties and drama about witholding rent. Lots of accusations including “ant infestation” because taking 2 weeks is too long to wipe out the ants…

Then after they moved out, I got served to appear in court because they did not received their deposit back… 1 months later I received the returned mail because they gave me the wrong address. I thought that was the end of it after I got their consent to drop the case, little did I know how many shitty maneuvers you can pull. By not cancelling the court date, I was forced to still appear with all my evidence prepared, transcribed and witnessed (because if you do not appear, default judgement goes to them). An ordeal that took both time and money.

This brush against the law gave me an insight on how we got to where we are today in Canada. I learned that, any oral agreement is not useful in court even with recordings that both party consented. Text messages does not work that well either. Oral agreements can be recanted later by simply stating that they changed their mind. The burden of proof is on the more honest party and when you have nothing to lose. The law cannot touch you as the end result of most civil lawsuits are monetary compensations that cannot be collected. People can lie without consequences and the consequences does not translate to punishments that hurt.

If anything that should turn me off from being a landlord, that should’ve been it… Did I say that I just came back from a spiritual journey and is filled to the brim with love and goodwill towards mankind? This was my emotional state that explains what I decided to do next and caused me to completely lose faith in people and turning more and more to the darker side.