The only difference between the me today and the me from one year ago are muscles gained from one year of full on strength training. I still remember when I first started, the personal trainer at my gym looked huge and muscular. Now they just look the same size as me.

Waking up before the sun gets up and train for an hour before heading for work, five days a week. Money on food money on recovery from injuries, time spent to recover from diseases. It was truly a tale of blood and sweat. But the results are there. Results measured based on other people’s comments, the amount of sex I get and who I get it from.

For obvious reasons of the fact that our mind tend to deceive ourselves on the type of world and story we live in. I only believe certain things when people say it to my face. When you are good at something, people will tell others.

So it was no surprise to me that people started saying I am charismatic. When almost anywhere I go now, people initiate conversations with me. The girls I get to have sex with gets younger and hotter and the efforts I have to put in is less and less.

My guess is that the charisma comes from years of practice in my life spent without a good physique that women want. It took the sum experience from 3 years of wandering to be able to pull someone like Ylva, nowadays it doesn’t take as much effort.

It left a bad taste in my mouth because it doesn’t seem like anything else that I managed to achieve matters.



No change

I didn’t tell people in my real life what happened, I didn’t do anything outrageous nor did I buy anything flashy to show off. Life just carried on like before as I am too busy dealing with the wrap up of winning. So it is probably safe to say that anything anyone felt from me recently is due to some unconscious change in my behavior or my hormones are releasing something new. I try hard to stay the same, but judging from other people’s behaviors towards me, Something changed.


It has only been two days since things finalized, but already, I am seeing a difference. When I ask a girl to dance for a song later. She actually held out and refused two guys while waiting for me. Whereas before, they would just go with whoever asked them NOW.

When women whom I’ve interacted with leave the venue that I am in, they make a point of coming by to where I am to say bye.

Girls initiating the hookup. In particular Germans. I’ve always liked Germans. For some reason, we just click. I’ve asked other Asians and this does not seem to be a widespread case. So it’s not like the case with Italians where for some reason I still haven’t figured out, they really like Asians. How people treat me in Europe felt very different while I was there visiting. The Germans are still very easy to get along with, but I thought this was an Geographic phenomena isolated to Europeans living in Europe. However, I still feel the same kind of treatment when I interact with Germans (1st and 2nd gen) in Canada. So this has something to do with their upbringing that transcend geography.

A lot more accidental boobs touching not initiated by me which, after interrogating many women post coitus, is actually not accidental.

The interesting observation from this is that only the younger (~25) and hotter women (7+) do this. The women below seem to have disappeared. Which is fine by me as I do not notice them anymore nor do they attempt to interact with me.


Men doesn’t give me crap anymore. Nor makes jokes that uses me as the source of the joke. Part of it is the threat of violence from finally having muscles. The threat of violence has always been there before what’s new is the fact that men make a point of saying hi to me when passing me by. I remember thinking “Why are they bothering me?” When these started happening because I was so used to being ignored.


I am pretty used to being ignored and have the time to myself to go really deep into any particular train of thought. The new reality for me is that it is getting harder to have these times as I get interrupted more often. I also used to make sure that I respond to everyone no matter how important or urgent their requests are. I will respond or help out even if it doesn’t benefit me. The new reality is that there are too many requests and some of these requests will take a lot of effort from me while not benefiting me in anyway. The result is that I only have enough time to field requests that directly benefits me and interests me.

Most of my success are from acts of selfishness where I focus the outcome solely on benefiting me. So it is strange when looking back that I used to expend so much effort doing things for others that doesn’t benefit me at all. I used to believe in good Karma that comes back and toiled away without thanks. This change comes from the realization that people are cunts. The majority will shit on you without a thought and everyone believe that what they are doing is good. Even the bad guys. Yes, I’ve reached peak cynicism and based on history, I reach my greatest achievements during peak cynicism due to my unwavering desire to hurt anyone who opposes me.


The drug gang prelude

I had just came back from my 4 years of wandering with the final part focused on meditation to increase my understanding of my own spirit. The reason why I came back has to do with a tenant who’ve been having parties weekly that always ends with the police getting called on them. This and several incidents of property damages.

Being a landlord at this time in Canada is a thankless job. You are hated by everyone and the rent doesn’t covers all the expenses. That with tenant friendly laws, I’d steer everyone away from starting down this road. One mistake in filling out a form and you are unable to get any compensations for damages.

Did I mention I just came back from a spiritual journey? Yes, I was full of hope for humanity and decided to do everything as if all parties intend to do good. So when the mother of the millenial I rented the unit to stepped forward to do the negotiation, I agreed to drop the charges for repairs and just have them move out. Little did I know that the little girl would renege on the agreement and go for the nuclear option.

So between the two months when I served them and them moving out. There were more parties and drama about witholding rent. Lots of accusations including “ant infestation” because taking 2 weeks is too long to wipe out the ants…

Then after they moved out, I got served to appear in court because they did not received their deposit back… 1 months later I received the returned mail because they gave me the wrong address. I thought that was the end of it after I got their consent to drop the case, little did I know how many shitty maneuvers you can pull. By not cancelling the court date, I was forced to still appear with all my evidence prepared, transcribed and witnessed (because if you do not appear, default judgement goes to them). An ordeal that took both time and money.

This brush against the law gave me an insight on how we got to where we are today in Canada. I learned that, any oral agreement is not useful in court even with recordings that both party consented. Text messages does not work that well either. Oral agreements can be recanted later by simply stating that they changed their mind. The burden of proof is on the more honest party and when you have nothing to lose. The law cannot touch you as the end result of most civil lawsuits are monetary compensations that cannot be collected. People can lie without consequences and the consequences does not translate to punishments that hurt.

If anything that should turn me off from being a landlord, that should’ve been it… Did I say that I just came back from a spiritual journey and is filled to the brim with love and goodwill towards mankind? This was my emotional state that explains what I decided to do next and caused me to completely lose faith in people and turning more and more to the darker side.


Got my site backup.

Not that it is a long struggle, it took me 2 days of mental gymnastics to figure out what’s wrong with the transfer and about 3 days of communication between two hosting providers. The debugging part, once I’ve finally convinced myself that I am smart enough and strong enough to endure the process, actually took only 1 hour.

Most of my life’s hurdles are like this. Not really hard to solve when I get down to it, but the mental hurdle that I needed to overcome and convince myself is very high. Think of it as a charging up of a lot of energy before releasing a tsunami to overwhelm the problem. The preparation to have food ready and the process of freeing up the time for the days ahead that I expect to spend on this project. The problem almost always end up being easier than expected and gets solved earlier once all the preparations are done.

It took this long, because fixing this website, is way down on a long list of things I am doing to heal myself. Unbeknownst to me, there were several things that have accumulated in my life and dragging me down with it. (For example, the lower back injury I suffered when the Yogi stood on my back in India during the hardcore class took 1 year to heal). Once I decided to take the hit gave them a proper closure, life feels lighter. I liked the feeling, so I continued to give closure to the list of things I left unresolved. It is also, very surprising, how certain insignificant thing are actually big drags on my mood. I never would’ve known their contribution to the negative had I not attempted to bring closure to them.

I am also surprised at the fact that a lot of my problems actually have solutions to them once I sat down to try and figure it out. Then once I figured out the solution, I’d often look at people in life with the same problems walking past me on the street and wonder why they kept living with the same problems?

That’s when it occurred to me. That you need time and money to solve problems. But most importantly, you need to be open minded enough to understand that the problem can be solved. Or, at least, believe in being able to find a solution if you tried.

It’s been a while since I was able to sit down and type properly with a keyboard. Being able to materialize my thoughts at the speed that it is racing through my mind put a clarity to things that was murky before. You only notice these things, once you’ve abstained from it for a while.